Tough

It’s going to be a tough week, a week when I have to do things I’ve been dreading doing. When I’ll have to face issues I knew where there but I wish I didn’t have to face.

It’s funny how some people might think that this is a blow which will destroy what I stand for when in reality it’s not. It’s a blow alright, but it’s a blow which will lead to better processes which in turn will strengthen that which I stand for.

There was one person I trusted completely and blindly. I thought this person will see the truth and “save” what I stand for. I’ve poured everything I know out to this person in order to show this person the gravity of the situation. Nothing happened. Maybe the trust was misplaced. Maybe the trust was too much. Maybe the only thing I can trust is myself and what I stand for.

Cryptic? Perfect!

I Feel Stupid

For thinking that there might have been an ounce of sincerity in this person.


For thinking that maybe, the change stemmed from the soul.


For thinking that maybe there was no malice in the past actions.


I’ve learned my lesson, no bread will be broken between us.

Relationship Check

Treat your spouse or partner as you would your best friend or best client. It is unfortunate that at times we treat our closest and dearest relationships in rude or even cruel ways.
Think of ways you can do the unexpected and thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you were first dating and wanted to impress your loved one. Plan and carry out something spontaneous on occasion.
Look for ways to compliment your spouse or partner. We all enjoy genuine compliments to brighten our day. Look for those qualities that first attracted you to your loved one.
Express your thoughts and feelings carefully. While it is important to be emotionally open and intimate with our significant other, being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone permission to “let it all hang out” in a hurtful manner.
Learn to let go of the small stuff in disagreements. While serious conflict needs to be addressed, many couples argue over issues of little consequence. It can be helpful to ask yourself when you’re annoyed with your loved one, “will this matter next week?”
Spend regular time together alone. It is difficult to remain emotionally close without making an effort to spend quality time together. A danger in long-term relationships is feeling as if you’re living “parallel lives” under the same roof. Relationships don’t run on “automatic pilot”. They take effort and work.
Acknowledge each others comings and goings. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. Regular physical touch conveys caring and is an expression of love. Tell each other “I love you” every day. When you say the words, look each other in the eyes. All too frequently, we throw our “love ‘ya” out as we’re headed out the door.
It is important to slow down and spend some time focusing on each other at the end of the day. One couple I know have what they refer to as their “wind down” time each evening. They spend 20-30 minutes each evening checking in with each other and discussing the events of their day.
Research has found that couples whose marriages or relationships last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin (their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. This means that they have appropriate contact with their families, without permitting their families to interfere with their lifestyle and decision-making.
Got this from Yna’s blog and I found it soooo interesting. Specially the last point about distancing yourself from your family. This is EXTREMELY hard for me to do. I am in love with my family and if there’s one thing I hate about being married it’s the fact that I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I want to. =(

I know what this post is saying is right, although knowing it is different from living it.

Random Whinings

Liv: Can you give me one reason why you love me?

–silence–

After a few minutes…

Ruy: Cause you’re sweet.

– silence —

Ruy: Eh you can you give me a reason?

Of course I was able to do so immediately.

Is it karma? Cause I was berating Aaron for having to think for so long before giving me a reply when I asked him to give me his reason for loving his gf?

What does sweet mean anyway? In my heart of hearts I know I’m not sweet. If you will rate the people inside my room in the office I’ll probably be at the bottom of the list of sweet people. Is sweet the same as nice? Cute? Ok? The things you say when you can’t find something nice to say?

I have a friend who always uses the word charming when describing babies who are not pretty. That way the mother wouldn’t take offense. Is sweet parallel to charming? Weheheh

Masters

I think it was someone from the bible who said no man can serve two masters. Well try serving 5!!

I’ve recently been seriously messing up my married life by doing stupid and completely avoidable mistakes. It seems that the more I try not to mess up the more I do. I’m a bit discouraged at how difficult it is to be a good “everything”…right now I’m just a passable “something”…

Confusing? Yeah, I’m sure it is. Let me try to explain by first introducing my 5 masters.

Work
Family
Andrea
Ruy
Myself
That list of course was written randomly, however isn’t it funny that work is up there without my thinking about it? Somehow it seems that work is the only thing I’ve managed to still do well (although still not as well as I want to do it) . It’s so hard because every single minute I stay longer at work is another minute away from Andrea. And another minute spent on Andrea is one away from Ruy. Another minute spent with Ruy is one away from my family (family here refers to my lola, mom, sister, aunt, nephews, etc.)

– o –

I’m wondering if I have what it takes to be a good wife…

I’ve been thinking about this for weeks and my mind can’t come up with a reason for me to say that I’m a good wife. I know how I’m a wonderful grand daughter, a great employee, a fun boss, a great sister, an ok daughter…I also know that if I had more time and a bit more practice I’d be an excellent mom…but I don’t know about being a wife. As I’ve mentioned earlier…no reason comes to mind.

– o –

I miss my family and most specially my sister. I see my grandmother almost every day but I almost only literally SEE her. I barely get to spend any time with her cause I have to hurry to work.

I see my sister once a week and yet again it’s really literally just seeing her.

– o –

You know my 5th master? Myself…I haven’t been able to do anything for her lately as well.

– o –

God please give me 30 hours in a day so that I may serve all my masters.