I am no feminist, but I am a proud proud person. I refuse to ask for help until I really need it. I drive myself around, I don't ask or borrow money from anyone. I don't make guys carry my bag and I pay for my own keep.

It's tiring to be that way. Sometimes I just want to kick back and have somebody pamper me even for just a couple of hours, but that only happens to me in parlors and spas and they only pamper me there cause I pay them too. It's a bit depressing actually, men hire prostitutes to please them, women hire hairdressers and spa masseuse. It's all the same.

I used to find men who hire prostitutes pathetic. I thought, why do you have to pay someone to do to you what everyone is doing to each other anyway? How pathetic. I didn't realize that time will come when I'll need to hire someone to pleasure me too...albeit in a non-sexual way.

Ruy declared yesterday that he hated dependent women. He liked women who are independent, who aren't needy and aren't clingy. That's when I realized that sometimes I'd love to be dependent, needy and clingy sometime. I'd love to have my needs taken cared of by someone who loves me.

No I'm not going to be a devoted housewife whose entire life will be devoted to her family so much so that she loses herself. I'm not going to allow a guy to run my life (not like Ruy has any intention of doing so). But sometimes, like at times like this, I just want to throw away everything I'm doing and tell someone "Please take care of me?"...and he will....and he can.

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