Nuffnang

7/26/2007

Relationship Check

Treat your spouse or partner as you would your best friend or best client. It is unfortunate that at times we treat our closest and dearest relationships in rude or even cruel ways.
Think of ways you can do the unexpected and thoughtful. Remember how you acted when you were first dating and wanted to impress your loved one. Plan and carry out something spontaneous on occasion.
Look for ways to compliment your spouse or partner. We all enjoy genuine compliments to brighten our day. Look for those qualities that first attracted you to your loved one.
Express your thoughts and feelings carefully. While it is important to be emotionally open and intimate with our significant other, being in a relationship doesn’t give anyone permission to “let it all hang out” in a hurtful manner.
Learn to let go of the small stuff in disagreements. While serious conflict needs to be addressed, many couples argue over issues of little consequence. It can be helpful to ask yourself when you’re annoyed with your loved one, “will this matter next week?”
Spend regular time together alone. It is difficult to remain emotionally close without making an effort to spend quality time together. A danger in long-term relationships is feeling as if you’re living “parallel lives” under the same roof. Relationships don’t run on “automatic pilot”. They take effort and work.
Acknowledge each others comings and goings. Hug when you say hello and goodbye. Regular physical touch conveys caring and is an expression of love. Tell each other “I love you” every day. When you say the words, look each other in the eyes. All too frequently, we throw our “love ‘ya” out as we’re headed out the door.
It is important to slow down and spend some time focusing on each other at the end of the day. One couple I know have what they refer to as their “wind down” time each evening. They spend 20-30 minutes each evening checking in with each other and discussing the events of their day.
Research has found that couples whose marriages or relationships last the longest have learned to separate from their families of origin (their own parents and siblings) and have appropriate, healthy boundaries. This means that they have appropriate contact with their families, without permitting their families to interfere with their lifestyle and decision-making.
Got this from Yna’s blog and I found it soooo interesting. Specially the last point about distancing yourself from your family. This is EXTREMELY hard for me to do. I am in love with my family and if there’s one thing I hate about being married it’s the fact that I don’t get to spend as much time with my family as I want to. =(

I know what this post is saying is right, although knowing it is different from living it.

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