Nuffnang

12/09/2005

Why not now?

I was talking or rather whining to my friend Kresta about the expenses of getting married. When she asked the oh-so-important question, "Why are you getting married now? Why not wait a couple more years when you're satisfied with all your material possessions and you wouldn't mind spending on the wedding?"

My first reaction was "Do people ever really get satisfied?", people are essentially greedy (bear with my screwed-up way of thinking, remember I'm a Freudian trained psychologist people) and would end up wanting more and more. If I wait till Ruy and I have bought all the things we want then we'll never get married.

It only dawned on me now that I am already at that point where I am actually satisfied. When Ruy was asking me what Christmas gift I would want, I told him that no material thing turns me one right now. Nothing excites me (not even make-up!). I told Ruy I would just want to go anywhere far with him, just a quiet trip somewhere...anywhere.

I admit, the enormous responsibility of marriage scares me sometimes. The never ending saving for something, the bills, the taxes, the caring for someone else 24/7. But then, isn't that so much better than an aimlessly spending, tax-evading, and solitary existence? (yes people I am obsessed with taxes, I pay 32% every month so I have every right to obsess).

I tease my colleague that the only reason why I'm getting married is for tax purposes. That's not exactly 100% true, I also see marriage as a life-long project. For once in my life, every single thing will be up to me and my husband. The decisions, the triumphs, the mistakes, I can own it all.

I asked Ruy why he wants to get married and this is what he said :

Why not now? Are we sure we'll be alive then? Are we sure no kind of temptations are going to come and make us commit a stupid relationship-ending misjudgement? Are we certain our loved ones will be there to witness the day of our lives? We're sure now that we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together and its not like were being impetuous about it since we've planned for more than a year.


I think his explanation is better than mine. The next time anyone asks me this question I'm just going to tell them "Talk to Ruy instead."

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