Nuffnang

8/06/2007

Birthday Depression

I go through this year after year (except during my 22nd Birthday 3 years ago) and I wasn’t spared from it this year. I don’t know what it is about my birthday which leads me this feeling of unplaceable sadness. This year was not the worse but it was pretty bad. I guess it’s the reflection which causes these feelings to surface.

Birthdays are usually the times when people take a step back and look at their lives. What has happened to me this year? What have I done, how have I grown? People would probably say that so much has happened to me since my 24th birthday last year that I should be happy right? WRONG!! I feel like the things have happened TO me, and I haven’t really been making them happen. Take Andrea for example. She’s the biggest (and the best) change which has happened to me since my last birthday but I really can’t credit myself for Andrea. Andrea’s conception was nothing short of a miracle (a hormonal problem, PCOS and pills couldn’t stop her from being conceived) and as much as I’d like to say I planned everything…it was all beyond my control.

There are also things I wish I could do which I still can’t. I wish I can for example pay for my sister’s schooling. Regularly give money to my grandmother. Not because they need it, cause they don’t, but just simply because they matter to me and I want to be able to give back to the people who’ve taken care of me for sooooooo long. I can’t afford to do that right now (or probably ever). Haay it’s a depressing life

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