Ramblings of a Psycho

Sooo, Ruy and I are okay again. Apparently he has once againi fallen prey to my extremely dangerous PMS. It doesn't matter how irregular my period is, rest assured that my pms will be there.

Just when everything was okay and Ruy was being so nice to me I mess up yet again. See I had to pick up my grandmother from the hospital yesterday so I arrived home so late. When I arrived home, Ruy and I were texting and as he was resting and reading he was giving me one word replies. I wanted a real conversation so I sent him a sad face =( then stupid old me fell asleep.

Ruy called my mobile, even called my landline but to no avail. I was sound asleep. Poor Ruy thought I was upset once again...wawa!

So much time and no Ruy to bug

The first part of the post is a lie, I don't really have so much time, but I am bored and it feels like I have so much time. Not to mention the fact that Ruy is going to be extremely busy today meaning I shouldn't bug him. Although I already bugged him with so many unnecessary things today.

I have work to do actually, and I promise to do them as soon as I finish this blog.

--0--

We might be going to boracay!! Not in the summer though. I don't like going to the beach in the summer, I hate the heat, I hate getting tanner and I hate the smell of people. I'm planning on going there maybe on August 4-8 (that's my birthday all the way to Ruy's birthday).

--0--

For the first time in years, I might not be able to see Ruy this weekend. He won't be home until Saturday afternoon, I have a tutoring thing with cribs then. the next day my mom requested that I drive her places. I wonder how we'll hold up?

Pictionary

I was playing around with my picassa and I made a collage of all my pictures. I love it, it's the perfect form of vanity. I'll be posting that one in my personal blog as I don't think I should do that here as this is supposedly a wedding blog, sooooo I made another collage for this blog! yehey!!!

Just for fun, (my fun, not really yours) I'll tell you a little something about the pictures. I'll start from the top, on the left most picture. We shall call that picture #1

#1 was taken inside my house just last November 2005. Ruy picked me up from work (at 11 p.m.) then took me to a Tiangge in Marikina then we went home. We took that picture as soon as we went inside my house.

#2 Ruy's baby picture!

#3 This was taken on the same day we took picture #1. We had a late dinner in one of the places along the Marikina river. While I was there I was being such a snob I was saying things like "It's a good thing no one I know goes to these places, at least I'm sure no one I know will see me". But damn, the ribs we had there was soooooo good. I just have to close my eyes with regards to the cleanliness though.

#4 Taken 2 years ago, we had our anniversary dinner in Gulliver's Steak House. Then we picked Cyril up and watched a movie in Eastwood. The picture was taken outside Cheesecake Etc. while waiting for our double choco malts.

#5 My Engagement Ring...given last July 30, 2005. woohoo

2nd Row

#6 The necklace given to me by Ruy for Valentine's 2005. I was so impressed by this for several reasons. First, it was a complete and total surprise. Second, I actually adored it. The design was really nice. Apparently he went online and researched before finding this one necklace. sweet!!

#7 Taken during Edward and Carlene's wedding last year. Edward is Ruy's cousin and my chemistry teacher in Ateneo. Talk about awkward. ;)

#8 Picture during Gabrielle's brithday. Gab is my cousin's son.

#9 Free prenup pics taken during a free dinner we won in Trader's Hotel.

#10 Bora pics. Riding the bangka on the way to the dive site.

3rd Row

#11 Drunk in Bora. That's me going crazy while being kissed by Ruy somewhere in Station 2 in Bora.

#12 Sept. 10 2005. We had dinner in Paseo Uno to celebrate my birthday (yes my birthday was a month before that, but I forgot to throw a party or to have dinner with Ruy so we had it as soon as I remembered it). After dinner we went back to Eastwood to celebrate my company's first anniversary.

#13 October, 2005. groovy baby! My company had a 70's themed Halloween Party. Ruy was there to pick me up but got dragged into the party as well.

#14 This was taken during Angie's wedding last Feb 18. I don't know how this girl organized all the details, it was amazing. We had to join this contest for engaged couples and we lost...si RUy kase eh =)

#15 Still taken during Angie's wedding. Ruy and I were an hour early so we decided to amuse ourselves by taking pictures...of ourselves.

4th Row

#16 Still taken during Angie's wedding. Ruy and I were an hour early so we decided to amuse ourselves by taking pictures...of ourselves

# 17 and 18 This was taken in Solano. Last year, during our birthday week we decided to take a tour of Northern Luzon. We ate in this smallrestaurant where they serve authentic Dutch Pancakes. they were sooooooo good. The downside? Our waitress was crazy! Notice my face? That's how I look bagong-gising. That's my no make-up look. I asked Ruy "Think you can wake up to this face every day?" Cause I'd hate to be with someone who's disgusted at how I look in the morning (I know this man who dated a singer and was so shocked when he saw her upon waking up)

#19 Ruy and I in Eastwood once again waiting in line for the World's Longest Buffet. When htey say it's the world's longest buffet, they meant the world's longest wait for a buffet.

#20 I was trying on some baseball caps. I look stupid wearing anything sporty, I feel like an impostor.

Last Row

#21 Ruy got inggit and decided to try on some caps as well. We were doing this while waiting for the treadmill we were buying.

#22 Ruy practicing how to be a daddy. That's another pamangkin of mine, Caspo. He's the son of one of my secondary sponsors.

#23 Ruy just had to have his picture taken beside Papa Piolo...hehehe. We were stuck in this place while it was raining so we decided to have fun and take Ruy's picture beside Piolo. We then had coffee and buco juice in Serye.

#24 and 25 More photos taken during Angie's wedding.

Reminiscing's fun!!!

Sore throat and Cold Heart

I wasn't able to go to work yesterday cause of my sore throat and cough, and colds. I've had this for over 10 days and it showed no signs of slowing down yesterday. I figured maybe it's because I never rested? So I decided to spend the whole day at home resting.

I still haven't warmed up to Ruy, it really takes me a long timeto get over issues. I should work on this. Ruy even sent me frutis and yoghourt yesterday just to make me feel better. But still nothing. The thing is, I feel he doesn't understand why I got upset. For me, the issue will never be over until I know he knows why I'm upset.

Peek-ture from the Pamamanhikan

We only remembered to take pictures after all the food has been eaten...teehee!

Why I Avoid Getting Excited

When the pamamanhikan was over I have to admit that I went against my nature and actually got excited. Everything was now formal and finalized and things were starting to fall into place.

There were several things that were discussed which made me excited.

- Ruy's family will be staying in their house in Tagaytay.
- My step dad's friend will be lending us 2 houses in the Highlands for my family.
- Those two put together is worth around 30k. That would be 30k worth of savings for us.
- One thing we were worried about was the finish of the house, my step dad told us to just tell him what we'll be needing and he'll get it for us. Wohoo!!! Flat screen TV please? hehehe
- we'll start building the house 2 Saturday's from now, my mom and step dad want to visit the place.


See? These things got me all riled up. I texted Ruy last Saturday something extremely cheesy (you've been forewarned of the cheesiness factor, read at your own risk) "Honey! It feels more real now, we're really getting married. You're going to be my husband =) "

I was in such high spirits that I forgave the fact that Ruy thought our 2pm meeting time was at 3. You see, we were supposed to meet only at 5 as my cousin invited Ruy to his birthday dinner at home. I told Ruy that I wanted to see him before that as we didn't really have time to have an actual conversation during the pamamanhikan. Ruy obliged (yes obliged meaning to obligate, to compel; to do something as a favor,to accommodate) me by agreeing that I go with him while he does an errand. After the errand there was still a lot of time so I asked him to go around a mall with me. We went back to his house were he took a bath and got ready for my cousins party.

My cousin has told Ruy to bring the floorplan of our house so we can decide were to put the aircon outlets, tv outlets and other electrical outlets and switches. So at 8:30, Ruy and I sat down and began discussing which appliances are we going to buy first. This was followed by a discussion on where we'll be positioning our appliances so as to ascertain the location of outlets. While this was going on, Ruy said something sarcastic about how I had grand plans for tonight. Referring to the fact that I had plans of making him stay even longer.

This really drove me insane. I can't believe I had to rationalize the time we spent together. Patric with CK practically everyday, the same is true with Loi, and the same with Dorothy.Ruy is in the province most of the time and in my hopelessly romantic mind I thought that we'd be finding ways to see each other as often as we can during those few times that he's here in Manila. Isn't that what boyfriends do? Another thing that really bothers me when I tell Ruy these things is that he'll start pointing things out to me like "Didn't we see each other a lot last week?" or "Didn't I pick you up last time?" ......I'm whining, I better stop.

My excitement went straight out of the window. That's the problem with me. I completely shut down when things like these happen. So right now I'm back to being indifferent and cold. I'm not so excited about the house, the wedding, nor the weekend. How sad....

Whew, FINALLY!

The pamamanhikan which was both much awaited (by Liv) and dreaded (by Ruy) is finally over...and we're still getting married.

We held it in Hizon's in Malate. Why there? Well this restaurant holds a special place for my family. It's the place we all like and the place where we celebrate most milestones in our lives. Confirmation, Baptisms, Birthdays, Graduations, etc. We even make up occassions just to eat in this place. =) Ruy and I have had our share of Hizon's moments. We actually ate there when no one in our family knew we were a couple (we celebrated somewhere and had dinner here). The scary thing is, the waiter (hi EDGAR!) knew my family so well that he told my mom I was there and even where I was sitting and what we ordered...ohlala! Nevertheless, despite having tattle tale waiters =) I still LOOOOOOOOOOVVVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE this restaurant.

Ruy's family was amused with my mother (i'll be uploading her pictures later). I think they were shocked and amused at how much my mother ate. It's even more shocking that she remains slim....

More kwento later. I'll have to email these pictures to Ruy first.

I'm sorry

I was going through my inbox and came across this message from my dear friend patrick.

"I just had an epiphany. Ugliness is everywhere. ugly people, ugly places, ugly things, ugly events. We need to celebrate ourselves more, celebrate beauty in ourselves, the things we create.

Beauty is so rare and should be nurtured. Not enough people strive for beauty because it's such a lofty goal, they remain ugly stupid simpletons.

Appreciating and striving for beauty is what makes us human. It's the antithesis of banality."

Damn it! I'm so sorry I failed you today Patrick. Today I became less than human. I promise to be more vigilant and to celebrate beauty more in the future. If I could only leave work and go to the salon now I will...

Disgusting

Why didn't anyone tell me that I looked so disgusting today? WHY? Where are my so-called friends?

I shouldn't have been allowed to go out looking like this. Times like these I wish I lived with Patric Porto. He's the only one with the audacity to tell me "Liv you look like crap change out of that outfit right now!" Where are you Patxie? I NEED YOU!

Seriously I look awful!. I'm so embarrassed right now. I didn't realize I looked this bad. I thought I'd dress down today cause I'll be commuting so I put on my oldest pair of jeans, black lacoste polo shirt and plain black sandals. But it's not the dress that looks awful (although I have to admit the outfit is a bit bland) it's me. My face, my person!

I was trying on things in a shop when I saw my face in the reflection. Fuck! I can't believe how bad I looked. I had unwanted hair in the wrong places. Hair unkempt and bordering on greasy (yeah yeah I overslept and wasn't able to wash my hair today damn it). I had just the right amount of undereye circles to look like an addict. DAMN.

I panicked and bought tweezers from the body shop and scheduled an appointment with my salon tomorrow. I can't go looking like this during the pamamanhikan.

Spoiled Rotten and loving it

Today my lola needs to go to her doctor so I offered to let her use my car. This means I'd have to commute going to work. I don't commute. The only time I ever commmuted was when I dropped all my subjects in college and my mom got so upset and took my car keys. This another long and complicated story so I'll stop and go back to my original point. I HAD TO COMMUTE TODAY. problem is I didn't know how.

I texted my bestfriend Carmi and Ruy last night to ask them how to get to Eastwood from my house. Ruy went on and on getting upset about the fact that I'm commuting and Carmi was very helpful.

I was a bit overwhelmed and touched by the reaction of people to this "commute". It was such a big deal to them. My goodness I'm 24 I think I can get from point A to point B without any problems. I appreciate the concern of my friends and loved ones though.

Carmi: Kept on asking for updates and even called me to make sure I'm fine. Isn't my bestfriend the best?

Ruy: After his anger has subsided texted and said He wishes he could drive me instead. He also asked for updates.

Nani: My grandmother, texted to find out if I got to the office safe.

Guess who's missing in this picture? My mother!! Hahaha. My mother is a strong believer in independence so much so that she allows me to commute, go to other countries by myself, etc. So for her this is no big deal. I sort of agree with her actually.

Low Self-Esteem

People might find it hard to believe but I actually have problems with low self esteem. This is the reason why I normally keep quiet, I don't approach people I don't know, I don't like meeting people when I'm not wearing my make-up, why I refused to pose for our company banner, why I refused to appear on a TV show with my boss. I don't like people staring at me, looking at me, etc.

When I was a kid growing up in Marikina (which was practically a province) the situation was pretty bad. People would go as far as point me out to their friends cause I didn't look like a typical Filipina or at least not the typical Filipina around my area. I don't look better or worse, just different, and when things are different you look and stare, just like what you do in the zoo or in freakshows. Sometimes I want to shout at them and tell them "HELLO!! I can see you staring! I can see you pointing and I can hear what you're saying."

The situation got a lot better when I went to college. I wasn't so different when I was in Ateneo, there were a lot of half-breeds like me and basically people just didn't care about us. =) I enjoyed the anonimity and the fact that I can blend in without any problem.

Now that the looking different issue has been resolved, another issue arose. So I don't look different, what sets me apart then? What's so special and so great about me? I still don't know the answer to this question. This is why I'm perplexed when I see how into me Ruy is. I'm confused as to what he sees, I often wonder "BAKIT? Why me?"

A few minutes ago, after talking with Ruy over the mobile phone we had another exchange through text.

RUY: Honey you're making me so happy. Thank you so much! :-)
LIV: Huh? What did I do?
RUY: I don't know you're just awesome!
LIV: Wow naman
RUY: wow nga! wanna know who got booted out of idol?

So now, I'm confused once again, What did I do?

Groundbreaking

This monday, I found out that the house has been approved. Today, Ruy called to let me know that they'll have the groundbreaking on the 8th of April. I'm soooo excited.

Badnewseseses

After all the good news the wheels of change has turned and given me my fair share of bad luck.

- I lost my voice yesterday.
- I lost my voice and I had meetings with 9 clients
- I couldn't shout at the people who ordered the computers I needed at the very last minute.
- My grandmother has an enlarged heart
- I left my freaking cellphone at home. =(

I'm taking it all in stride, last Sunday I was just exclaiming to Ruy at how lucky I am, or rather we are. I'm not claiming to be the prettiest, smartest, richest, happiest person there is. What I am though is satisfied. Things can get better I know but I'm content with what I have

Good Newseseses

After a weekend in which I saw Ruy for four consecutive days I thought the next few days would go downhill from there but NO!! Things are actually beginning to fall into place one tiny step at a time.

First things first: The house has been approved!! Yohohoy!! This is incredibly exciting for me, I hope it's going to be smooth sailing from this point on. My cousin has adjusted the floor plan and on Sunday we'll be talking about where to put outlets for the switches...who would have thought I'd be doing this at 24?

Second: Pamamanhikan is on the way! This is an extremely good news for me as Ruy is not so thrilled by this meeting. You see my family is not mmmm very nice. But Ruy's mom called my mom last Saturday and they hit it off just fine. They were already plotting to make sure we have kids early on. Sheeesh; I plan on having kids in 4-5 years but when they bring the topic up during the pamamanhikan I'll just smile like a good girl, no point having a debate.

Third: Working hours are now more or less regular! I'll be working from 9-7 everyday!! I know I know it's longer than the normal working hours, I asked for a 2 hour break kase. =)

Lastly: Because of my regular working schedule I can now go back to the gym!!! Yehey, finally. =) This would also mean more Ruy time as he goes to the same gym. I find it weird though, I don't have any plans of stalking him, I think he should have his own gym time. We'd be in seperate areas as he'll be doing boxing and anyone who knows me would know that I would NOT be doing boxing. =)

Speaking of Ruy and boxing would you believe he's lost 34 pounds already? Hugging him feels really weird now, it's like hugging a different person. I don't want him to lose more weight as I think he's gotten too thin, but it seems he wants to lose some more.

What's Up Doc? or Liv? or Whatever

3 friends of mine have asked me why my status in YM has been perpetually set at busy, in a meeting or on the phone. This is my calendar and it ought to explain why the case is such. These are the things I need to do and prepare for on top of my more or less 8 clients a day. Remember that each client also needs a comprehensive report after our session. Today though, luckily I only have 6 scheduled clients! Alleluiah. Although I have a memo, minutes, write-ups to finish so basically I'm still busy. =)

Disbelief

Have you ever seen something which you know is so wrong yet you can't do anything about it? You're aching to do something to correct the situation but you can't and you shouldn't cause it's not your situation to correct. I found out something that made me feel that way today, I was extremely frustrated, annoyed, angry, upset, most importantly sad. I wanted to scream, I wanted to kick, but I couldn't.

I have always believed that I had a very good head on my shoulder when it comes to relationships. My first one lasted 3 years and Ruy and I are anticipating our 6th year. No cheating, no screaming, no beating...so far my batting average has been pretty good. I don't claim to be a relationship expert though, I know I can goof up every once in a while but there are things that I learned in Psychology and in my personal experience which have been very accurate:

- when you are head over heels in love, step back and listen to your friends and family they see things you can't see through your rose colored glasses

- the best indication of present and future behaviour is past behaviour. though we'd like to think otherwise

- shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice.

- in the end, you are the only one responsible for getting hurt again. why did you stay?

- the best indication of a healthy relationship is how much you can tell your friends. too many secrets means something is not right. nothing shameful about love, that is if there is love.

I'm writing this with gritted teeth, feeling extremely powerless. Just know that no matter what I'll be here, and I'll shut up from this point on.

How to Make Your Wife Happy --- hmmmm

The key ingredient to a woman's marital bliss is her husband's emotional commitment, suggests a new study based on a survey of 5,000 couples across the country.

The finding is in contrast to previous research that focused on a husband's salary and division of household work as the main drivers of a woman's perception of a happy marriage.
Even so, the new research determined that women whose husbands bring home more than 68 percent of the bacon are the most content.

"Regardless of what married women say they believe about gender, they tend to have happier marriages when their husband is a good provider — provided that he is also emotionally engaged," said W. Bradford Wilcox, a University of Virginia sociologist. "I was very surprised to find that even egalitarian-minded women are happier when their marriages are organized along more gendered lines."

Fairness is also considered an important element.
W
omen who perceive that housework is shared in a fair manner consider themselves happier partners. Fair in this case does not necessarily mean splitting housework evenly—most of the women in this happier category perform the majority of household chores themselves. But because they believe that their husbands are playing an important role as providers, they view the unequal work split as fair.

"Wives are surely sensitive to imbalances in routine tasks and efforts, as almost all research shows. However, we find that they are more concerned with their husband's investments in the emotional content of the marriage," said study team member Steven Nock, a professor of sociology at University of Virginia. "We interpret our results to suggest that partners need to pay more attention to how their partners feel about their relationship and about marriage generally because equality does not necessarily produce equity."

Vanity = Yours, Mine and Ours

People who know Ruy and myself have certain preconceived notions about us which are mostly untrue. For instance, people think I'm the more extravagant one in the relationship, not true! People think I'm meaner than Ruy, mmm okay that part's true. One thing that's not true though is the notion that I'm the only vain one in the relationship. FALSE!! Here are pictures of our vanity taken during Angie's wedding last month.

my vanity

Ruy's vanity

Vain Together

I don't even want to think about what the people around us were thinking! I swear we weren't doing this during the actual ceremony, we did this while waiting for the event to start. Ruy and I have this habit of being too early for events and that day was no exception.

ENTO

Meet my baby sister Henna. She's going to be my Jr. Bridesmaid. What does that mean? That means she'll be telling people where to sit and she'll be giving out souvenirs. Basically she's an overgrown flower girl with responsibilities. ;)

Here is a picture of my 2 cousins who will also be part of the ento. Of course the curly haired one is me.

Alleluiah and other praises

Ruy took the initiative and emailed some STD (that's save-the-date in case my non-w@wie friends are reading this) designs to me. This was his own initiative, woohoo! Can you hear the choir singing in the background? hahaha...

I was quite impressed, I didn't think Ruy was doing any actual wedding preps. Just to remind everyone, I lost interest in wedding preparations and Ruy volunteered to do the preps from this point on. Didn't I tell you I'm spoiled?

Personally though, I don't get the point of an STD. What is it for really? It's one of those things you HAVE to spend for on your wedding that doesn't really make sense. Why do I have to give you a card that will tell you that I'll give you another card to invite you to my wedding? There are other things I don't get.

= unity coins (according to Loi it's just the bride, groom and the priest who will actually see this, so why spend )
= unity candle (2,700 for candles!! not unless Madonna made it herself)
= bridesmaid (what do they do really?)
= groomsmen (same as above)
= bible bearer (Jen pointed this out to me, it was just too funny!)
= cake cutter ( I have to spend that much for something I'll never use again?)
= wine flutes (I was just looking at these the other day, and of course I'd have wine flutes in my future house, but hell to spend at least 1k each to be used for our wedding?)
= doves (I will not for the life of me, hold a bird during my wedding. Not even if it was one of the migratory birds of the Philippines...hehehe...hi Ms. Tamino and all my compa-ana classmates)
= flower girls ( oh right, they have to carry the unnecessary flowers i also NEED to buy)


Actually, when you think about it. The whole wedding is a waste of money. I can't believe I'll be spending that much just to "showcase" our love and committment to the whole community. I don't even care about the whole community! Did I say that out loud?

On a nicer note, I think it's touching how people are involved and excited about our wedding. One of Ruy's aunt volunteered to shoulder the cost of the flowers! Another volunteered to shoulder the wines! Isn't that sweet? None from my family though, they're not too sweet. Hahaha

-- 0 --

I would like to thank my friends who helped me prepare for the picnic. Patric Porto and Loi Lim -- don't know what I'd do without you guys. Michael de Villa for his "Mimosa" recipe ;) and for helping me get intoxicated with cosmopolitans and goldschlagger last night. Hi to Lou Anne hope you're feeling better. Jen!! I am not alone in being a brat pala! hahaah

Also, thank you so much for the write-up Dorothy. ;)

I KNEW IT!

My lola is an excellent cook. Her kare-kare is to die for...literally and figuratively (hell the peanut butter and goto can really drown you in cholesterol). I was bugging her to teach me how to cook as I don't know anything about cooking. She always refuses as she says I'm just an "istorbo" in her kitchen.

I told her before that I think I really should learn how to cook cause I feel like I'm actually going to be a good cook. (yeah yeah, i say these things to bug her and it works) I even told her "Nani, you know what? feeling ko i'll be better than you once I learn!" After the picnic yesterday I am convinced I am correct. It was fantastic!!

Ruy loved it, he said it's like hotel food. Now those who are not yet convinced at how blindly in love Ruy is, this is the proof you need. =) The food I prepared was soooo good, I really really loved it, and so did Ruy. Never mind the fact that the only cooking I actually did was boiling and frying.

DESPERATEly learning to be a HOUSEWIFE

Hi my name is Olivia and I am a spoiled brat. Yes, it's my first time to admit it in public eventhough I'm sure people already know. I am indeed a brat. Everything came easily for me, I had basically enough or often times more than enough without even breaking a sweat. I don't think I've ever gone through life without at least one maid. I get pissed when I don't have a good breakfast served for me, I get irritated when there's something missing from our pantry. I could go on and on about how big a brat I am or rather was, but I wouldn't. The point of this entry is not how much of a brat I am but how I'm trying to be less of a brat. NAKS!

I prepared for tomorrow's picnic!! All me...no maids!! I did the shopping, the chopping, the boiling, the peeling, the squeezing, the stirring...EVERYTHING. Okay, everything except the cleaning. I cleaned 80% of the mess...the melted chocolate on the pot was just too difficult for me. But basically preparing and cooking and cleaning wasn't so hard after all, it was quite enjoyable actually.

It made me realize that I'd rather not have a maid during our first few months of marriage. I'd like to give that a try. The important thing about this though is that I'm not getting a maid because I don't want to, it's my choice. That's why I'm fine with it, but if there comes a time when we don't have a maid because we can't afford it...ohlala, I swear I'd throw a tantrum.

-- 0 --

I went to Santi's this morning. I bought cheeses (mascarpone, fresh mozarella, gorgonzola, feta, cheddar), hams, hungarian sausages, fresh mint leaves, dark chocolate, wine, etc. I had a blast! You know that this is one thing that scares me? Not being able to afford shopping in Santi's! I think it would be a disaster, on my part at least. I know, I know there are worse things in life. I'm not being reasonable or logical here, just honest. It's one thing not buying there cause you're saving for a house or something, it's another just plainly not having money at all. I am working so hard to avoid having to be in this position. Scary!

Natural High

Remember the natural highs I posted before? I got new ones and they all happened today:

- going to the grocery
- going to the grocery to buy stuff for Sunday's picnic
- going to the grocery to buy stuff for Sunday's picnic and falling waaaaaay below the budget.
- TAX REFUND!! today!!! and it's huge. I LOVE THE GOVERNMENT!

It's a good day.

Y'all gotta learn Chinese

So many w@wies emailed and texted me regarding their wedding dates so here are the auspicious days (or dates which are considered good for weddings) :

Dec. 1 - chong for Horses
Dec. 3 - chong for Monkey
Dec. 4 - chong for Rooster
Dec. 7 - chong for Rat
Dec. 9 - chong for Tiger
Dec. 11 - chong for Dragon
Dec. 14 - chong for Goat
Dec. 15 - chong for Monkey (allowable)
Dec. 16 - chong for Rooster
Dec. 27 - chong for Monkey
Dec. 28 - chong for Rooster
Dec. 30 - chong for Pig

Unfortunately, my book is missing one page (from Jan. 1 -14) =( sorry guys.

Jan. 15 - chong for Rabbit
Jan. 20 - chong for Monkey
Jan. 21 - chong for Rooster
Jan. 27 - chong for Rabbit
Feb. 14 - chong for Monkey
Feb. 17 - chong for Rat
Feb. 18 - chong for Ox

Unfortunately people, I only have until Feb 18 cause Feb 18 is the start of another Chinese year.

We're going on a picnic, a picnic, a picnic

We're going on a picnic , TODAY!!! Lalalala. I'm soooo excited cause Ruy and I are going on a pseudo picnic this weekend. Here's how we ended up having a picnic.

Liv: What are we going to do this weekend?
Ruy: I don't know, tagaytay?
Liv: Okay fine, what are we doing there?
Ruy: Go around and relax

(after 10 minutes)

Liv: damn we can't go to tagaytay it's Tito Ed's birthday
Ruy: of right, let's go jogging instead.
Liv: You go jogging, I'll go walking
Ruy: Sige
Liv: Great! I'll prepare a picnic...

I admit that I will take any opportunity to have a picnic. I just love the idea of preparing one meal, hanging out, not doing anything, not having to be extremely dressed up. Here's the menu I'll be cooking up.

Salad - Seafood Caesar Salad

Sandwich- choosing among the following
- Tomato and Mozarella Bruschetta
- Chicken Salad Sandwich
- Grilled Chicken and Eggplant Pesto Sandwich (with Feta Cheese)
- Spicy Corned Beef Omelette Sandwich

Dessert - Strawberry dipped in dark chocolate

Juice - either
- champagne with orange juice
- orange juice
- fresh fruit shake

Decisions, decisions

All the Leo's in the house say...BOOHOO!

Does it have anything to do with the planetary alignment? The form of the stars? The shape of the moon? Why is it that all the leo's I know and love are down today.



RUY, a leo, is physically and emotionally down and out. I think it's PMS. Is pms contagious? What do you think Yoda?

Meanwhile my friendly Lou Anne who is also a Leo is heart broken. I swear to God I'm going to kick that J's ass. I hate J soooooo much. I've never met anyone as trusting and as open as Lou Anne. And to have someone take advantage of her like that is driving me insane. (Lou Anne is seen below with me)



Another Leo who's not okay? ME!! I feel lethargic and sick. Damn it!

Gore

I find it disconcerting that if I die while driving home tonight, Ruy wouldn't know until around 7a.m. tomorrow morning. It's even more disconcerting that if he dies while in the province, I probably wouldn't know until the end of the week....SCARY!

Just Each Other

When so many life changing things are happening in your life it's hard not to lose sight of the thing that really matters. The essentials. Ruy and I are in this stage. We're planning a wedding, saving up, buying a house, integrating ourselves into each other's family and planning the pamamanhikan. I have a tendency to be too focused on things, specially those that require money so much so that I sometimes forget that the reason we're buying a house, the reason we're getting married is to be with each other (and the tax breaks of course).

Wish we could afford to go back to Boracay or Bohol or Palawan and have 5 days without talking about the wedding. That would be glorious. Unfortunately we can't have that, what we did have is 2 hours watching Capote.

How do you know he's the one? -- I DON'T!

If I had a dollar for every time I had this conversation with someone I'd be rich by now.

Okay that's not really true, I'd just have enough money to buy a top from Mango for example. That's not the point though, the point is this. Why are people so obsessed with the idea of "THE ONE", is this the effect of the Matrix on us? Are we just hopeless romantics? Or are we just in denial, refusing to take responsibility for bad decisions and claiming rather that "It was not meant to be"?

When people ask "Are you sure he's the one?" I give a standard and nonchalant reply of "Nope!". I swear, the look of horror on people's faces is priceless. They are actually flabbergasted that I'm marrying someone when I don't think he's the one. I want to clear things up once and for all.

I DON'T BELIEVE IN THE CONCEPT OF THE ONE! I think God is nicer than that. I can't imagine a God who loves us too much and then assigns a man and a woman to each other, but here's the catch: You can never be sure if that person is the "one". Sheesh. Sorry for sounding preachy here, but take it from someone who has loved and lost (my first boyfriend died in a car accident) loving is not dependent on another person, it relies solely on you. Each and every single day you have to make the decision to love the person you're with. Yes there are some personalities that match yours more than the other, and because of these loving becomes so much easier. I love you because I choose to love you, not because you're the one.

--- * ---

on a less jaded note. Here's the lyrics to the song I've been trying to find. It's a gospel song and I love it. This is a bit shocking cause I'm not normally religious, in fact no one has called me religious...ever! This song was really nice though and so I'm thinking of including it on our song list. Ruy is this possible?

He Still Loves Me

Took me a while

But I'm finally here

I just wanna testify

Make it crystal clear

See I've been picked out

To be picked on

Talked about out my friend's mouth

I've been beat down

Til he turned my life around

(turned my life around)

[Chorus:]

Seems like I always fall short of bein worthy

Cuz I aint good enough

but he still loves me (yeah)

I aint no superstar

The spotlight aint shinin on me

(no no no no no)

cuz I aint good enough

but he still loves me

Loves me

I used to wake up some days

and wish I'd stayed asleep

cuz i went to bed on top of the world

today the world's on top of me

everybody's got opinions(they share)

They aint been in my position(they don't care)

that it breaks my heart when I hear

what they have to say about me yeah (what they say)

seems like I always fall short (fallin short)

of bein worthy (Lord I aint worthy)

Cuz I aint good enough (no no)

but he still loves me (still loves me)

[All]I aint no superstar (I wanna be for you)

The spotlight aint shinin on me

cuz I aint good enough

but he still loves me

I'm not perfect(I'm not perfect)

Yes I do wrong(yes I do wrong)

I'm trying my best(trying my best but)

But it aint good enough(just aint good enough)

Shunned by the world

If I don't succeed

Cuz I aint good

But he still loves me(I just aint good enough)

If you aint worthy just raise your hands

And let me know that you understand

That we are all so blessed To be loved,

loved

Stand for him or fall for anything

Cause through his eyes we all look the same

What would we do without blame?

Feels like we always fall short

Of bein worthy (we are not worthy)

Cuz I aint good enough

But he still loves me

still loves me)

I Want this Bad...Ruy what do you think?

Aint it pretty? Different colored walls though, and the flooring would be dark wood panels. The carpet would either be non-existent or made of natural fibers

Can't get Excited

No not sexually you perv. Emotionally, I was a numb person. My theory is if you can't feel anything you can't get hurt. Thank God I was able to change that, I now feel happy and sad, pleased and mad, etc. One thing I never learned to feel (well) is excitement. Yesterday while looking at the site of our house-to-be (hopefully that is) I couldn't feel excited, I was worried, tensed, nervous. here's a text conversation between Ruy and myself.

LIV: You know what I realized? I suck at showing my excitement
RUY: =) I think you're right. Sometimes I feel that with you excitement is a bad thing like a sin. Hehe. Why kaya?
LIV: I'm afraid it won't come true if I get excited.
RUY: For me, things to get excited about are blessings already!
LIV: You're right!
RUY: There can be miracles...if you believe! =) hehehe
LIV: Sira ;)

Reality? Check!

Now that my obsession with the wedding has passed and has since been replaced with my obsession with the house we MIGHT be acquiring/building very soon. I am beginning to see things differently.

For example, an Alex Franco cake (together with the out of town charges) would cost me as much as building a laundry area in the house. Building the partitions for 2 bedrooms would cost just as much as the Photo and Video package I got from Paul Vincent. The cost of the roof insulation would cost as much as my gown from Veluz. Outlets for Aircon, Telephone and Cable TV altogether would cost as much as my ento gown.

Why the hell am I spending so much on this ONE day? The house at least would last me and Ruy hopefully a very long time it is therefore a worthwhile investment. after all, we do need roof insulation right?

In conclusion, I will be reviewing our budget and cutting down considerably on certain things... =) I've got something bigger to save up for