Nuffnang

3/23/2006

Low Self-Esteem

People might find it hard to believe but I actually have problems with low self esteem. This is the reason why I normally keep quiet, I don't approach people I don't know, I don't like meeting people when I'm not wearing my make-up, why I refused to pose for our company banner, why I refused to appear on a TV show with my boss. I don't like people staring at me, looking at me, etc.

When I was a kid growing up in Marikina (which was practically a province) the situation was pretty bad. People would go as far as point me out to their friends cause I didn't look like a typical Filipina or at least not the typical Filipina around my area. I don't look better or worse, just different, and when things are different you look and stare, just like what you do in the zoo or in freakshows. Sometimes I want to shout at them and tell them "HELLO!! I can see you staring! I can see you pointing and I can hear what you're saying."

The situation got a lot better when I went to college. I wasn't so different when I was in Ateneo, there were a lot of half-breeds like me and basically people just didn't care about us. =) I enjoyed the anonimity and the fact that I can blend in without any problem.

Now that the looking different issue has been resolved, another issue arose. So I don't look different, what sets me apart then? What's so special and so great about me? I still don't know the answer to this question. This is why I'm perplexed when I see how into me Ruy is. I'm confused as to what he sees, I often wonder "BAKIT? Why me?"

A few minutes ago, after talking with Ruy over the mobile phone we had another exchange through text.

RUY: Honey you're making me so happy. Thank you so much! :-)
LIV: Huh? What did I do?
RUY: I don't know you're just awesome!
LIV: Wow naman
RUY: wow nga! wanna know who got booted out of idol?

So now, I'm confused once again, What did I do?

1 comment:

undiscussablerealms said...

blog-hopping.

you are special. he sees that in you which keeps him happy and content.

don't ponder anymore as to why. because the answer requires too many words...and seeing that he is happy with you speaks volumes. :)

Nuffnang

Holler


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